Forgiveness: A Path To Healing

The Process of Forgiveness According to Everett Worthington

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful yet challenging acts we can engage in, especially when deep wounds are involved. Everett Worthington, a leading psychologist and expert in the field of forgiveness, has developed a practical and research-based model to help guide people through the often difficult process of forgiving. Worthington's REACH model has been widely used in counseling and personal growth, offering a structured way to process forgiveness.

So, what does this process look like? Worthington’s REACH model provides five key steps to move from hurt to healing. Each step is designed to help individuals work through their emotional pain and find freedom in forgiveness.

R – Recall the Hurt

The first step is to honestly confront the hurt you've experienced. This might feel counterintuitive since we often try to avoid pain, but facing the injury head-on is essential for true healing. Worthington emphasizes that it's important to acknowledge the depth of the pain without minimizing it or getting lost in it. By recalling the hurt, you bring it into the light, which is the first step toward processing it healthily.

E – Empathize with the Offender

Empathy is perhaps the most difficult step. It involves trying to see the situation from the offender’s perspective. This doesn’t mean excusing their behavior, but rather understanding what may have led them to act as they did. According to Worthington, empathy is crucial because it humanizes the person who hurt us, allowing us to see them as flawed individuals, not as villains. In doing so, we open our hearts to the possibility of forgiveness.

A – Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness

Forgiveness, in its truest sense, is a gift. Worthington points out that forgiving someone mirrors the kind of forgiveness we’ve received from God. It's an act of grace, extended not because the other person deserves it, but because we choose to release them from the emotional debt they owe us. Worthington highlights that this "altruistic" forgiveness not only frees the offender but also liberates the person doing the forgiving.

C – Commit to Forgive

Once you’ve made the decision to forgive, it's essential to commit to it. Forgiveness isn't just a one-time decision—it’s an ongoing process. There will likely be moments when old feelings of resentment or anger surface, but committing to forgiveness means you actively choose to remember the decision you’ve made. Worthington suggests writing down your commitment to forgive as a tangible reminder of the choice you’ve made.

H – Hold On to Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not a feeling; it's a choice. Even after you’ve forgiven, you may still feel the sting of the hurt from time to time. Worthington advises that, when those feelings arise, you remind yourself of the decision you’ve made to forgive. Holding on to forgiveness means not allowing bitterness to take root again. Instead, you choose peace, even when old wounds threaten to reopen.

The Benefits of Forgiveness

Worthington’s research highlights the profound emotional and psychological benefits of forgiveness. Studies show that people who forgive experience less anxiety, lower levels of depression, and improved physical health. Forgiveness also leads to healthier relationships and a greater sense of inner peace.

Forgiveness is an act of liberation, not only for the person who wronged you but for yourself. As Worthington often reminds us, holding on to anger or resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Through the process of forgiveness, we release the burden we were never meant to carry.

Conclusion

Forgiveness, according to Everett Worthington, is a journey—a process that takes time, reflection, and intentional effort. The REACH model provides a practical roadmap for working through the pain and arriving at a place of peace. While forgiveness is rarely easy, Worthington’s model shows that it is always worth it, offering freedom and healing for both the forgiver and the forgiven.

Forgiveness is a gift we give not only to others but also to ourselves. In choosing to forgive, we choose life, healing, and the peace that comes with letting go.

References:

1. Worthington, E. L. (2003). *Forgiving and reconciling: Bridges to wholeness and hope*. InterVarsity Press.

2. Worthington, E. L. (2006). *Forgiveness and reconciliation: Theory and application*. Routledge.

3. Worthington, E. L., & Scherer, M. (2004). Forgiveness is an emotion-focused coping strategy that can reduce health risks and promote health resilience: Theory, review, and hypotheses. *Psychology & Health*, 19(3), 385-405.