Wade Arnold, MDiv, PhD Christian Couples Counseling

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Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation (PE) is something many couples deal with, and while it can be frustrating, it's definitely something you can work on together. If you or your partner is struggling with it, it might bring up feelings of anxiety or even strain the relationship, but the good news is, there are real solutions. By understanding what’s behind it and trying a few practical steps, you can improve your intimacy and strengthen your connection as a couple.

What Causes Premature Ejaculation?

PE can happen for several reasons, but it’s often a combination of emotional, psychological, and physical factors. Stress and anxiety are big culprits—whether it’s stress from life in general or anxiety about performing in the bedroom. If one partner is worried about pleasing the other or feels pressure to perform, it can lead to finishing quicker than expected.

Sometimes it’s also a matter of not being fully in tune with your body’s signals, making it hard to control. Early sexual experiences that were rushed or pressured may have set a pattern that’s tough to break. In some cases, underlying health issues, like hormone imbalances or medication side effects, can also contribute.

Solutions You Can Try Together

The good news is there are plenty of ways to work on this as a team, and with patience and practice, you can see real improvement.

1. Open Communication: The first step is to talk about it. Being open with each other about what’s going on can take a lot of the pressure off. Knowing you’re both on the same page can ease anxiety and help you both feel more relaxed during intimacy.

2. Relax Together: Since stress is a major cause of PE, finding ways to relax together can help. Try things like deep breathing exercises or mindfulness techniques before intimacy to help calm your mind and body.

3. Practice the Stop-Start Method: This technique can be really helpful. When one partner feels like they’re about to climax, stop for a moment, let the sensation pass, and then start again. Over time, this can help build better control.

4. Pelvic Floor Exercises: You might not think about it, but strengthening the pelvic muscles can make a big difference. Kegel exercises, which are commonly known for women, can help men gain more control over ejaculation.

5. Seek Professional Help if Needed: If you’ve tried some of these techniques and are still having trouble, it might be worth speaking with a doctor or therapist. They can suggest other treatments like creams, medications, or therapy to help manage PE.

Moving Forward Together

Premature ejaculation doesn’t have to be something that gets in the way of your relationship. By approaching it as a team, communicating openly, and trying different solutions, you can improve your intimacy and deepen your connection. Be patient with each other, and remember, this is something you can work on and get through together.