The Art of Grace in Marriage: Understanding Luke 6:37

Seriously?

Photo by hermaion: https://www.pexels.com/photo/white-toilet-paper-191845/

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to keep score in marriage? Those little mental tallies we keep of who did what wrong, who forgot which task, or who said that hurtful thing last Tuesday? We're all guilty of it sometimes, aren't we?

Let's look at something Jesus said that can transform our marriages. In Luke 6:37, He tells us: "Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned."

When we dig into the original Greek text, the meaning becomes even more powerful for married couples. The original word for "judge" means to separate, distinguish, or discriminate. Isn't that precisely what we do when we mentally list our spouse's faults? We separate their actions into "good" and "bad" categories, often focusing on the negative.

Think about Sarah and Mike (not their real names), a couple I once counseled. Sarah kept track of every time Mike forgot to take out the trash or left his socks on the floor. Mike remembered every instance Sarah was late coming home from work or forgot to call. They were both judging each other right into misery!

In the original language, the word for "condemn" carries the weight of passing sentence or pronouncing judgment. How often do we act as judge and jury in our marriages? Maybe your husband leaves his coffee mug in the sink again, and suddenly, you're pronouncing him "guilty" of being inconsiderate. Or your wife forgets to grab something at the store, and you mentally sentence her as "irresponsible."

But here's where it gets beautiful. The Greek word for "pardon" means to set free, to let go, to send away. Imagine physically taking those frustrations, those mental tallies, those remembered wrongs, and just... letting them go and releasing them like balloons into the sky, watching them float away until they're out of sight.

What would your marriage look like if you practiced releasing instead of judging?

“The beautiful thing about Jesus’s teaching is that it creates a cycle of grace.”

Here are some practical ways to start releasing judgment:

1. Catch yourself in the act of judging. When you feel that familiar urge to mentally criticize your spouse, pause and take a breath.

2. Ask yourself: "Would I want to be judged this harshly for a similar mistake?"

3. Practice immediate forgiveness for small things. Did they forget to replace the toilet paper roll? Let it go right then and there.

4. Remember your own mistakes. We're all human, aren't we?

5. Look for the good intentions. Usually, our spouses aren't trying to upset us on purpose.

John and Lisa started practicing this principle after ten years of marriage. Lisa shared with me how he used to get frustrated when John forgot to lock the doors at night. But instead of condemning him, she started gently reminding him and acknowledging how tired he was after working double shifts to provide for their family. The change in their relationship was remarkable.

The beautiful thing about Jesus's teaching is that it creates a cycle of grace. When we stop judging, we create an environment where we're less likely to be judged. When we stop condemning, we build a safe space where mistakes are met with understanding rather than criticism.

But what about when big issues come up? Of course, there are times when we need to address serious concerns in our marriages. But even then, we can approach these conversations from a place of grace rather than judgment. Instead of saying, "You always..." or "You never...", try "I feel..." or "I need..."

Think of it this way: marriage is like tending a garden. Judgment and condemnation are like pouring weed killer all over your plants – they might kill some weeds, but they'll damage the flowers, too. Pardoning and grace are like adding fertilizer – they help everything grow stronger and more beautiful.

Does this mean we become doormats or ignore genuine problems? Not at all! Jesus isn't asking us to pretend everything's perfect. He's showing us a better way to handle imperfection. It's about creating a marriage where both partners feel safe to be human, to make mistakes, and to grow together.

Try this experiment: commit to practicing the art of pardoning in your marriage for one week. Each time you're tempted to judge or condemn, consciously choose to release instead. Watch what happens to your relationship, your peace of mind, and your spouse's response to you.

Remember, you're not just doing this for your marriage – you're doing it because it reflects God's heart. He doesn't keep a running tally of our mistakes. He offers fresh mercy every morning. Shouldn't we offer the same to our spouses?

So the next time you're tempted to judge, condemn, or keep score, remember Jesus's words. Choose release over judgment. Choose grace over condemnation. Your marriage will thank you for it.

After all, isn't that the kind of love we all hope to give and receive? A love that's quick to pardon, slow to judge, and always ready to give grace? That kind of love transforms marriages from good to great, from surviving to thriving.

Start today. Your spouse isn't perfect – and neither are you. And that's okay. That's precisely why we need grace in the first place.